The Mechanics of Forgiveness

In my life I have had the opportunity to forgive, certainly we all have but how does a person forgive? Family, friends, people I do not even know elicit from me the opportunity to forgive. What is this opportunity? How does it present? I will write in general terms to sketch what amounts to forgiveness.

I find myself in a position where my buttons get pushed I react and I am upset, I feel offended, hurt and want someone to be responsible. When fault belongs to a person other than myself and they in turn act responsibly, forgiveness gets a pass and there is scant opportunity for me to exercise it. It is the occasions where fault goes without recognition where insult defines the relationship that I discover if I have any forgiveness. It is in these circumstance that the opportunity to understand forgiveness makes itself known.

When I harbor anger, resentment, outrage, when I insist on an apology... Clearly I have not arrived at forgiveness. This is when it is obvious what and who is asking for my forgiveness. It is of course providence teaching me to forgive and how to do it. I have to forgive myself for reacting and making a place to be angry, to express resentment and from there pillory my imagined transgressor. This posture is harmful to me and I am unable to forgive so long as consider myself this way. I must first forgive myself for harming myself with an injurious disposition and that is the same forgiveness others will find should they want my forgiveness. I have to forgive them for their perceived transgression but I can only do it if I forgive myself the inclination to blame another for how I feel and let those feelings go.